My Parents’ Marriage Didn’t Survive

My parents scorned the idea of counselling. After all, what good could come from someone simply listening? And anyway, isn’t listening something anyone can do? They particularly scorned the marriage counsellor we personally knew who wasn’t able to ‘save his own marriage’. Don’t go to him for help, they’d say.

I remember the depths of despair I had to reach as a mid-20 something before walking into my first counselling session. It felt truly desperate and shameful at the time, something to keep strictly secret.

Fast forward, and having now spent literally hundreds of hours in therapy as part of my counselling training, I can say it’s not shameful at all. In fact, being able to speak about anything and have someone properly listen is deeply nourishing and validating. Something neither of my parents were able to do for me or my siblings. And something many managers are not able to do for their staff.

My parents’ marriage didn’t survive the test of time, but nor did they manage to talk about it either.


Frank Ray

Frank Ray & Associates is a software engineering consultancy that builds high quality software for businesses.

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